I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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