; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
