I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
