I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
