Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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