I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize