hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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