I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
