He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
