we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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