Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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