Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
