She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
