Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize