Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
