Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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