I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please, let me fuck your mom
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
