i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
