dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
