Someone shit on the floor
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hippo gnu deer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
