i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize