Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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