my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize