So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
