so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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