i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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