I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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