I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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