I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was born a porn star she said
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
