your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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