Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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