I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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