you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
