I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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