then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
