you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
