Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
