My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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