He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
