The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
