At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize