and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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