Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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