I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
