Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
