Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize