The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
