i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
