If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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