I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
