I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
