The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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