im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
