I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
