I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
