I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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