She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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