OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
