Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
