My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
