Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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