Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
