What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
