I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
