You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
