i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize