Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
