Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
