Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize