Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize