He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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