talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
