I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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