Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
