he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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