Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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