Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
