Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
